What an Emo EGGPLANT

Hello Week 25!  Over the next month, Baby Campos will really start to pack on the fat and round out into a 2 pound eggplant.  Like a good little parasite, she's also soaking up plenty of antibodies to help build a strong immune system for when she breaks her lease with the womb.  Not wanting to be selfish by only taking away valuable nutrients, she's also giving back.  Too bad the gift of hormones is making Mommy EMO.

Throughout the day, there's a potential double rainbow of emotions that can be felt.  A bad dream: sad tears.  Disappointing lunch: angry tears.  Folding baby clothes: happy tears.  Shake Weight commercials: confused tears.  It's not like Mommy is a robot when she isn't barefoot and pregnant.  But after spending her "awkward years" listening to The Smiths and more recently experimenting with skinny jeans, you'd think that she'd be more in tune with her feelings.  Sometimes letting it all out is a good thing.  Just not while dining at a restaurant...people might think that Daddy just dumped his Baby Mama.

In this edition of "What's Hot/What's Not," Gossip (Baby) Girl spotlights the latest trend in Hollywood: pregger celebrities.  From Beyonce rumors to Lily Allen announcements, getting knocked up definitely makes you cool!  Well, that is unless you get pregnant before prom.  Because whether you're Jamie Lynn Spears or Quinn Fabray, no matter how popular you are, don't be surprised when your Facebook friend count goes belly-up. (IN: Pregnant Celebrities on TMZ, OUT: Teen Moms on MTV)

OCD and Nesting. Nesting. Nesting...

Around this month, the overwhelming urge to "nest" starts to build.  An almost primal instinct to prep your home for the new addition takes over.  A lot of soon-to-be parents actually find comfort in being able to control at least this aspect of  the pregnancy.  But for a couple like the Camposes, all the cleaning then disinfecting,  measuring then resizing, organizing then resorting, can easily turn into an OCD nightmare.

First thing's first, the home needs to be more baby-friendly.  Over the next few months, all the mystery cabinets will be locked, every deadly-corner padded, and each of the inappropriately designed "smiley face" outlets will be plugged.  But is this death trap really safe enough for Baby Campos?  The next step is deciding what to keep and what to get rid of so that there's ample space for a growing baby.  Maybe Daddy really doesn't need to keep those golf clubs from high school.  Or perhaps Mommy could donate some of the several dozen pairs of shoes filling the closet.  Can the beer pong table be used as a changing table?

No matter how obsessed we can get with all this nesting, the whole process really makes you sift through the things in life to see what's really important.  Once we finally got the crib up (which Daddy and Grampa Campos triumphantly built), we figured that maybe the things worth keeping should all be able to fit inside.

Hmmm, maybe we need a bigger crib?

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bump

"I've noticed that the side effects of pregnancy are greatly amplified: the morning sickness, the mood swings, sleepiness, sexual appetite.  Yesterday, just scooping the middle out of a honeydew melon gave me a huge...well it turned me on."
~Arnold Schwarzenegger, JUNIOR (1994)

With so many new and strange things going on inside a mother-to-be's belly, it's easy to get overwhelmed with worry.  Most questions can be answered by your doctor, a baby book, or even a know-it-all relative, but there are just some things that only a Mommy and her little parasite can relate to.  So at what point do you really start to embrace your pregnancy?

The Epiphany happened when Baby Campos was big enough to make noticeable movements.  The tingly sensation of gas bubbles suddenly became Billy Blanks Tae-bo workouts.  There was a definite sigh of relief to know that she was finally moving around.  Over the next couple of weeks, this spunky girl became a "mood ring" for what Mommy was feeling:

eating a donut = belly high fives

listening to loud music = happy feet

greg davis plays = headbutting the bladder

Even though there will be plenty of back aches, leg cramps, and general discomfort down the road, you have to learn to really enjoy being pregnant.  Because each new experience with this little girl just means that there will be one less thing to worry about, and one more reason to fall in love with this BUMP!



If Mama No, Then PAPAYA

This bump is really starting to show now!  During Weeks 22-24, Baby Campos will plump up to about 1.5 pounds  and grow to the size of a papaya.  It's funny, this exotic fruit from our neighbors to the south  (or unwelcome immigrants if you live in Arizona) is often called "pawpaw" in Spanish.  Hmmm, could that be this little chica's first word?

Whichever name she utters first, Mommy and Daddy already know what the dynamic will be in this family.  Call it Good Cop/Bad Cop if you must, but most parents inevitably have to decide which role to play.  Can you guess who'll be the disciplinary and who'll be the pushover?  When it comes to getting her way, there's no doubt she'll quickly learn that "Mama, No" and "Papa, Ya." 

After a brief career, Baby Swami has decided to retire and focus more on watching Texas Football.  Not to worry, our new weekly correspondent, Gossip (Baby) Girl, is here with updates and insight on everything Hollywood.  First up, season premieres!
While most channels are on parental block, this little critic still caught some of her favorite shows.  GLEE performed better than COMMUNITY, and MODERN FAMILY was more lovable than PARENTHOOD.  Does that mean high school will rock more than college?  Is a funny dysfunctional family better than one with drama?

Anyway, be sure to also tune in every week for the "what's hot/what's not" picks, sponsored by In-N-Out.  (IN: Sharktopus, OUT: Lone Star)

This Shhh is BANANAS...B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

What a way to start off Week 21!  It was an amazing feeling to find out that Baby Campos is a girl.  She's now almost three-quarters of a pound and about the length of a banana.  Mommy is really starting to feel more and more movements each day, particularly when Justin Bieber is playing or a grilled cheese truck is passing by.

With about half the pregnancy left to go, it's time to really start nesting and planning out the registry.  There are so many options for cribs, car seats, and clothes.  Parents really have to alot to think about when deciding what to pick out: fashion vs.
functionality, style vs. safety, value vs. versatility.  There's also a very fine line before the "right" amount of pink turns into a room and wardrobe that Hello Kitty had an accident on (don't forget Daddy and Toby have to live there too).  But no matter what ends up on the registries, it'll really be up to the princess to decide whether she likes it or not...oh boy.

When talking X's and O's, knowing that Baby Swami is XX, it's tempting to use that
excuse for the 0-3 start.  But like her Mommy, this little banana split ain't no Hollaback Girl and she will definitely know her sports better than most of the boys.  So for this week's pick, while the current is strong, inbred Razorbacks can float the dirty Tide with ease.  Arkansas 17, Alabama 10 (Season record 0-3).

Breaking News!

It's official!  After weeks of guessing and crazy predictions, Mommy and Daddy are happy to announce that Baby Campos is a GIRL!  The ultrasound confirmed that she is perfectly healthy and well on her way to becoming a beautiful little longhorn cheerleader =)

CANTALOUPE: Both Deadly and Delicious

Hooray for Week 20!  Besides being at the pregnancy halfway point, this is also the time when many new parents finally find out the sex of their baby.  With all the little bits and pieces fully formed, the ultrasound scheduled for next week should put all the speculation and predictions of silly old wives tales to rest.

It's ironic that the baby is now the length of a cantaloupe.  The shortness of breath, watery eyes, and rosy cheeks aren't hormones acting up...it's Mommy's allergies!  Yep, this melon in particular brings her a wave of symptoms that only Benadryl can soothe.  While Daddy is able to enjoy this delicious fruit with a smile, any bean products consumed as a child used to bring on Joe Abello sized asthma attacks.  It really makes you wonder if your offspring will be cursed with the same unfortunate reactions.  We're still keeping our fingers crossed that the only thing Baby Campos will be allergic to is that sucky state up north that keeps Texas from falling into the gulf.  Ahh-choo!

Baby Swami's fearless prediction of the week is sponsored by Claritin D.  Even a Hawk's eyes can get itchy from stray Cats, but 24-hour relief is only a tiny pill away.  Iowa 24, Arizona 14 (Season record 0-2)